MY CLIENT COACHED ME
I decided to try something new with a coaching client the other day. After several coaching sessions, he came to the conclusion that he simply didn’t know what he didn’t know. Specific goals were hard to set, responses were not forthcoming, so I decided to get a little creative and instead turn the tables and had him ask me anything he wanted to know about my previous leadership roles and my coaching.
It was a great role reversal, starting with some lightness and imitation of how I generally start a session. Ease was felt as he hit me with question after question of how I dealt with challenging situations, what prep and training I had in my leadership roles, how trust was built in relationships. So many great questions asked (some I made a note of for later!).
In my eyes a win-win for both of us. He took away many insights about how leaders show up, how to start building trust within the team, what my take was on handling difficult team members that weren’t showing up, how to bring your true self to the role, and so many more take-aways.
What I Took Away?
LOADS! First and foremost, the reinforcement that I love doing what I do. Coaching for me is not just a giving task, I take away so much from each session. Coaching has this weird effect where it not only energises but also exhausts me all at once; a feeling I have not had in my work for many years if ever. I equate it to a game of golf – if you have a great round you want to go back and repeat it, if you have a terrible round, you want to return to improve. I am drawn to coaching like I haven’t been to other opportunities before.
Looking back on all that I have achieved in my career, I am so pleased that I can now use all those past experiences to ask my next best question of a client. It allows me to tap into the wealth of knowledge and exposure and “pass it along” somehow when I partner with a client on their journey to leadership. Don’t get me wrong, I do not come with all the knowledge and experience in the world! What I do come with is the skill to help someone else find the pathway they need to go on in their career.
The Power of Being Heard
It also made me realise how important it was to talk things through with “an other”, be it a mentor, an ally, trusted friend, a COACH! There is so much power in being able to express yourself freely, sometimes voicing something for the first time, that thing that has been swirling around in your mind for a long time but never come out. Getting it out into the universe means something. And that something is different for everyone, yet everyone experiences the thoughts being voiced, being real, coming to life. A release of sorts. An honesty and a vulnerability
Having the privilege to hear those thoughts first, opening the space for a client to feel comfortable to say them, it really is quite the experience for a coach.
At the end of the session, I had a huge smile, a lightness and felt so worthy to be heard. I had loved recounting stories and times that I felt were worthy of sharing. He too looked very pleased with himself!
What He Learned
I asked him what he'd learned about leadership. He smiled and said 'LOADS!' Here are the three insights that seemed to land most powerfully.
1. Building Trust Through Connection
When asked how I built the trust with my team – first and foremost I spoke to every member on a regular basis individually. Got to know them on a personal level first, shared a little of myself as a person, what I did on the weekend, letting them know I am approachable, human, open to getting to know them.
Maintaining a strong belief that there is gold to be found in each and every one of us - something that did not stop with my leadership roles but is ever present in coaching.
Beyond that I listened. And by listening I did not just mean with my ears. It was gauging body language, looking for changes in energy, picking up on reactions to situations and circumstances, engaging a strong sense of emotional intelligence if you will.
2. Approaching Difficult Conversations With Curiosity
When asked about dealing with team members that do not show up - The story I recalled was when a particular team member showed up late for work repeatedly. The approach I took was to give them the benefit of the doubt in the first instance. I figured there was no point jumping to conclusion making a story up about what was going on for them, but rather have a conversation about the behaviour, and no shy away from it.
Approaching such a conversation with empathy, by asking questions rather than jumping to conclusions and assuming you know about what is going on for them. Story making helps no one!
Based on the response, there were generally 2 outcomes – that they really did not care about their performance and being late, in which case, accountability was set for the next occurrence and performance monitored. In the case of personal factors being at play, allowance and understanding were applied.
Both outcomes allowed you to get to know the other person a little better, just by the way you approach a conversation.
3. Admitting When You Don't Know
When asked if I didn’t have the answer – I answered honestly and with the humility to admit when I didn’t know. But with a clear indication that I would find the answer within my expertly driven team and report back. Never leaving responses hanging in the breeze. My team knew when they had lost me, that glazed look would come over me and the technicality of the explanation went too far for me.
One Opinion, Many Paths
As this last point stated, I do not have all the answers! What I reflected after writing this newsletter is that I have one opinion about how I showed up and represented leadership. If there are any revelations or things you have taken from my meanderings, then great! Sometimes we just need to sit with our words to realise we have something to give. This was me showing up authentically, with curiosity of where I have come and where I am headed, and care for others as they are on their path with leadership.
Maybe some time you should twist the microphone to others and allow them to get to know you!
What Happened Next
This conversation stuck with me for days. His questions made me realize how rarely we talk openly about the messy, real side of leadership—the parts that don't make it into the textbooks. So I decided to run an experiment: I started asking my network one leadership question a day. Questions about the time traps, the delegation struggles, the energy drains—all the things we experience but don't always voice.
The responses? Diverse, vulnerable, and full of hard-won wisdom. I'll be sharing what I learned in next month's newsletter. Stay tuned.
